Being text of a speech delivered at the emergency meeting of the association of Single Nigerian Males upon receipt of news of Annie Macaulay and 2face’s Valentine day engagement.
Comrades, dear friends and fellow brothers, it is indeed with a deep sense of loss we announce the exit of one of our most prominent and key members, Innocent Ujah Idibia, or 2baba, from our most esteemed and rapidly expanding club on February 14, 2012.
This development, utterly surprising to members of SNM, is the reason we have gathered here virtually on short notice to re-strategise and plot the way forward, and I wish to thank you for leaving your very leisurely, commitment-free lifestyles to honour our call. Once again thank you most sincerely.
This ‘Valentine Day Massacre’, as it now appears to be, is one that is capable of rapidly depleting our ranks almost irreparably, bearing in mind the huge influence the subject has on the majority of SNM members worldwide. It is our singular agenda today to arrive at decisions that will repair our tainted credibility, and dissuade the likely mass exodus of members from our club that this action may engender.
While we do not wish to appear as an anti-progress organisation, thereby joining the rest of the populace in wishing the couple the best ahead, we cannot but feel a bit of resentment at the unexpected turn of events.
For one, an appropriate heads up of the move by 2baba would have been appreciated, and would have helped us to better prepare against the attack on our reputation. However, the bad sharp guy rubbed it in by proposing to his African Queen during this year’s lover’s day celebration, at a notable ex-footballer and master dribbler’s club. Mr. Idibia, we are not amused by the irony.
However, as with other storms, such as the one caused by Naeto C late last year, we shall see this one through, as always. We trust the able efforts of prime officials like Mr. Endowed, who will restore pride in our organisation with the help of Mr Capable from image and branding department, supported by Mr Incredible from the propaganda section.
Our hearts go out to certain distinguished members of our sister organization, Single Nigerian Females; namely Pero Adeniyi and Sunmbo Ajaba on their loss of the coveted title of Mrs. Idibia to Annie Macaulay. It must feel dis-heartening, and we empathise with you. However, with the help of strong members like Genevienne, Dita Rominic, Sunmi Iyandah, and veteran, Weird MD, we shall endeavour to make your stay in our fold more comfortable, and provide you with tools to advance our cause.
2face Idibia was an outstanding member of our union, and his ability to hold on to our values even after three official girlfriends, five children with a sixth on the way and 14 years of elusive dating is remarkable, and proves him to be a master in the art of using smokescreens. Sadly, being only human, he finally succumbed to mounting pressures. I wish to categorically state here that our membership support system is capable of handling any emotional problems and can’t see why the Hypertek N*gga failed to enlist their help during his moment of weakness. Nonetheless, his highly documented skills will be surely preserved for posterity. He will be missed by all.
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